One of my favorite sayings is "Of course I'm out of my mind, it's dark and scary in there". And it is. A maze of thoughts, bits of flashes of memory, conversations - real & imagined. I imagine everyone has a similar mind, a sign of intelligent life. Cogito ergo sum and all that. What makes us different from each other is the content, no?
Lately, a topic I keep thinking about is sex. Oddly enough this isn't fueled entirely by sexual frustration, this is something that's rattled about in my brain for what seems like forever.
I was born in 1972, pretty much smack dab in the middle of the Sexual Revolution - certainly in a time where sexual freedom was more or less common place. Sex wasn't taboo. It was on tv, used in advertising, even discussed more openly in school - even if it was inaccurate.
And thanks to gender equality, girls can do just about anything a guy can do - even pee standing up according to one of my female friends. We can ask a guy out on a date, take the lead, be just as aggressive as a guy...
So WHY in bloody hell do I have such so many hang-ups?
Oh, no doubt it can be traced back to my childhood. No father figure in the house, so any education I had regarding relationships was all on the fly. And heaven forbid there be a sexual scene during some movie my mother and I were watching. Rather than wait until I was in bed to watch the movie, Mom would watch it while I was in the room and send me out of the room at the first hint of skin. To this day I'm very uncomfortable watching scenes of a sexual nature on tv or during a movie. Needless to say, I'm not keen about porn.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not frigid. I would say my early experiences with sex were normal. I certainly enjoy sex. My views and preferences aren't "vanilla". But there's this rather dour dowager living in my head, and she's none too fond of the vulgarities of fornication. Proper ladies don't... They don't exhibit such wanton behaviour as to approach a man. Nor do they initiate intimate acts. Only harlots behave in such a manner. If she's a past life hold over, she's one I don't think I'd get on with.
I *think* I did better by my kids. I hope I did, at any rate.
The revolution is still going on; the messages are still mixed. I'm not comfortable with porn either, although, at this stage of the game, it has more to do with the crap that the industry puts out. (No pun intended.) They could find a whole new paying audience if they learned the word "script".
ReplyDeleteThat's a part of my issue with it. If it would at least in some way resemble something "real" I might get over myself long enough to give it a shot.
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